Since the Fall we have struggled not only with the content of our thoughts but the process as well. Yes, even the very way we size up situations and apply knowledge and experience to them is tainted by sin. In other words, we are constantly plagued by fallacies and cognitive distortions. So in our series on sound mind theology, we’ve touched on three interrelated distortions — minimizing, maximizing, and disqualifying. Last time we discussed the fallacies of fairness and control. Today, we’ll get personal with two cognitive distortions, labelling and personalization.
Labelling may be the most destructive distortion.
Labelling is choosing to view yourself negatively based little or no evidence. (If your brain immediately went to “but I have plenty of evidence,” you may want to reread this section once we’re done… Just saying.) For example, you forget your lunch. “I’m so stupid.” A relationship doesn’t work out. “I’m unlovable.” Someone else gets the promotion. “I’m such a failure.” We take an event and twist it into identity. But then that statement we make about ourselves is internalized and it becomes an indelible part of how we see ourselves. Labelling is extreme, catastrophic, all-or-nothing and it leads to feelings of stress, anxiety and depression. And here’s the unfortunate thing. We give far more credence to the negative messages we tell ourselves than any evidence to the contrary.
Even Biblical evidence.
The primary way labelling poisons our spiritual life is we flat-out don’t believe what God says. If we label ourselves unlovable, it does not matter how many times we read it in Scripture — like Behold what manner of love the Father has bestowed on us, that we should be called children of God! (1 John 3:1) — we don’t believe God loves us. When we don’t believe what God says … when we refuse to believe what God says … that’s sinful. We need to repent and ask the Holy Spirit to drive the truth deep into our hearts. A deep look at the first half of Ephesians is a good place to start replacing the labels we’ve made with the ones God has given us.
Personalization is taking on blame that isn’t yours.
We all make mistakes. Sometimes those mistakes mean negative outcomes for us. That is part of life. What happens with personalization is we extrapolate those “sometimes” to every time. We’ve mentioned before, we live in a world broken by sin, and bad things happen. When job loss is a result of a corporate decision made in an office four states away, that blame is not ours. Other times bad things happen because we are unwittingly caught in the crossfire of others’ actions. For instance, you are minding your own business when someone else runs a red light and hits you. You are not at fault.
This gets stickier when we consider how often we make ourselves responsible for someone else’s emotions — for their happiness or conversely, for their anger or sadness. Despite what we believe or are told, we all choose our emotional response. No one else is responsible for it. It is a distortion of reality to pickup that responsibility, that blame and carry it like it’s ours. It’s not your baggage. Don’t take it.
The spiritual side
There are any number of ways that this can play out in our spiritual lives, but let me give you two that can really mess us up. The first is living with a burden of guilt. Now the Holy Spirit points out sins in our lives and leads us to repent. However, when we can’t let go of the blame and guilt we feel, when we doubt God’s forgiveness or His favor, it interferes with our relationship with God. We lose the joy that comes from knowing Him. We hide from Him like Adam and Eve. We feel like God is perpetually displeased with us. On the contrary, God delights in us.
As for the saints in the land, they are the excellent ones, in whom is all my delight. Psalm 16:3
Remember “saints” refers to believers, period, and not a subset of special super pious believers. If Jesus Christ is your savior, you are a saint.
The other way personalization can mess with us is we can make ourselves responsible for the results when we share the gospel. Let me say this clearly. If someone rejects you or your words when you witness to them, you have been faithful. We are commanded to go, to sow the seed. The response is between the hearer and the Holy Spirit. The rejection doesn’t come because you couldn’t answer the question, or you forgot a verse, or you stumbled over a word.
“The one who hears you hears me, and the one who rejects you rejects me, and the one who rejects me rejects him who sent me.” Luke 10:16
It’s not you. Keep witnessing.
When struggling with labelling yourself or personalizing blame, perhaps start here. Paul instructed us in Romans 12:3 to look at ourselves honestly, to use sensible, good judgment to make a fair evaluation. King David invited God Himself to examine his thoughts a root out what shouldn’t be there (Psalm 139:23). Rely on the truth in God’s word and what HE says about you rather than your labels. God has called you HIS. (Isaiah 43:1-3)
Just so we’re clear, I’m not a counselor. I read, research, and study, and I have some life experience. I am not attempting to diagnose anything, but rather help us evaluate how we think based on Scripture.