Paula Wiseman

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Sound Mind Theology: Blaming

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Sound Mind Theology title graphic

Since the Fall, we have struggled not only with the content of our thoughts but the process as well. Yes, even the very way we size up situations and apply knowledge and experience to them is tainted by sin. In other words, we are constantly plagued by fallacies and cognitive distortions. So in our series on sound mind theology, we’ve touched on three interrelated distortions — minimizing, maximizing, and disqualifying. We discussed the fallacies of fairness and control. Last week, we got personal with two cognitive distortions, labelling and personalization. Today, we’ll finish up the series with blaming.

Blaming, as a cognitive distortion, is when we assign guilt or responsibility to someone else for our emotional responses. “I don’t want to have lunch with her. She makes me feel guilty about what I eat.” “He makes me so angry with his dumb comments.” Blaming may make us feel better temporarily. We may even feel like we’re protecting ourselves by avoiding a difficult situation.

The Roots of Blaming

Human beings have been blaming each other and other things since the very beginning. Adam blamed Eve. Eve blamed the serpent. They both blamed God. And that shifting was passed down to their sons. Cain’s jealousy of his brother, Abel, resulted in murder. What was the root of the jealousy? Blaming someone else rather than admitting his own failure to be obedient. All of these examples from the early chapters of Genesis expose the basis of blaming. We don’t want to admit responsibility for our shortcomings, our failures, our sins.

The Spiritual Side of Blaming

Blaming God puts us in an antagonistic relationship with Him. We resent His correction. We mistrust Him. We ascribe questionable motives to God’s actions. (This is exactly what happened in the Garden.) These attitudes are wholly ungodly and require repentance.

He is wise in heart and mighty in strength —who has hardened himself against him, and succeeded? Job 9:4

The writer of Hebrews calls out the deceitfulness of sin.

[B]ut exhort one another daily, while it is called “Today,” lest any of you be hardened through the deceitfulness of sin. Hebrews 3:13

Taking Responsibility

From our examples above, quality of lunch and comments aside, we have the power to determine how we respond. It isn’t “she makes me feel guilty.” It’s I (choose to) feel guilty.” And it’s actually not “he makes me angry.” It’s “I get angry.”

If we get in the habit of blaming others, we don’t see where we are wrong. We may ignore the Holy Spirit’s efforts to correct us. If it persists, we can grow hard-hearted toward God.

Whoever conceals his transgressions will not prosper, but he who confesses and forsakes them will obtain mercy. Proverbs 28:13

As for me, I said, “O LORD, be gracious to me; heal me, for I have sinned against you!” Psalm 41:4

Furthermore, if we see someone else as the cause of our distress, on whatever level, we cannot, will not love them the way God has called us to love others.

Having purified your souls by your obedience to the truth for a sincere brotherly love, love one another earnestly from a pure heart, 1 Peter 1:22

Going Forward

All of the fallacies and cognitive distortions we’ve looked at prevent us from living a life of obedience, service, and love. But they are also deeply ingrained in us. It takes humility to ask God to show them to you and diligence to reshape them. But we have a great mission ahead of us, and our minds need to be fully engaged.

Therefore, prepare your minds for action, keep sober in spirit, fix your hope completely on the grace to be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ. 1 Peter 1:13

Sound Mind Theology: Labelling and Personalization

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Sound Mind Theology: Labelling and Personalization title graphic

Since the Fall we have struggled not only with the content of our thoughts but the process as well. Yes, even the very way we size up situations and apply knowledge and experience to them is tainted by sin. In other words, we are constantly plagued by fallacies and cognitive distortions. So in our series on sound mind theology, we’ve touched on three interrelated distortions — minimizing, maximizing, and disqualifying. Last time we discussed the fallacies of fairness and control. Today, we’ll get personal with two cognitive distortions, labelling and personalization.

Labelling may be the most destructive distortion.

Labelling is choosing to view yourself negatively based little or no evidence. (If your brain immediately went to “but I have plenty of evidence,” you may want to reread this section once we’re done… Just saying.) For example, you forget your lunch. “I’m so stupid.” A relationship doesn’t work out. “I’m unlovable.” Someone else gets the promotion. “I’m such a failure.” We take an event and twist it into identity. But then that statement we make about ourselves is internalized and it becomes an indelible part of how we see ourselves. Labelling is extreme, catastrophic, all-or-nothing and it leads to feelings of stress, anxiety and depression. And here’s the unfortunate thing. We give far more credence to the negative messages we tell ourselves than any evidence to the contrary.

Even Biblical evidence.

The primary way labelling poisons our spiritual life is we flat-out don’t believe what God says. If we label ourselves unlovable, it does not matter how many times we read it in Scripture — like Behold what manner of love the Father has bestowed on us, that we should be called children of God! (1 John 3:1) — we don’t believe God loves us. When we don’t believe what God says … when we refuse to believe what God says … that’s sinful. We need to repent and ask the Holy Spirit to drive the truth deep into our hearts. A deep look at the first half of Ephesians is a good place to start replacing the labels we’ve made with the ones God has given us.

Personalization is taking on blame that isn’t yours.

We all make mistakes. Sometimes those mistakes mean negative outcomes for us. That is part of life. What happens with personalization is we extrapolate those “sometimes” to every time. We’ve mentioned before, we live in a world broken by sin, and bad things happen. When job loss is a result of a corporate decision made in an office four states away, that blame is not ours. Other times bad things happen because we are unwittingly caught in the crossfire of others’ actions. For instance, you are minding your own business when someone else runs a red light and hits you. You are not at fault.

This gets stickier when we consider how often we make ourselves responsible for someone else’s emotions — for their happiness or conversely, for their anger or sadness. Despite what we believe or are told, we all choose our emotional response. No one else is responsible for it. It is a distortion of reality to pickup that responsibility, that blame and carry it like it’s ours. It’s not your baggage. Don’t take it.

The spiritual side

There are any number of ways that this can play out in our spiritual lives, but let me give you two that can really mess us up. The first is living with a burden of guilt. Now the Holy Spirit points out sins in our lives and leads us to repent. However, when we can’t let go of the blame and guilt we feel, when we doubt God’s forgiveness or His favor, it interferes with our relationship with God. We lose the joy that comes from knowing Him. We hide from Him like Adam and Eve. We feel like God is perpetually displeased with us. On the contrary, God delights in us.

As for the saints in the land, they are the excellent ones, in whom is all my delight. Psalm 16:3

Remember “saints” refers to believers, period, and not a subset of special super pious believers. If Jesus Christ is your savior, you are a saint.

The other way personalization can mess with us is we can make ourselves responsible for the results when we share the gospel. Let me say this clearly. If someone rejects you or your words when you witness to them, you have been faithful. We are commanded to go, to sow the seed. The response is between the hearer and the Holy Spirit. The rejection doesn’t come because you couldn’t answer the question, or you forgot a verse, or you stumbled over a word.

“The one who hears you hears me, and the one who rejects you rejects me, and the one who rejects me rejects him who sent me.” Luke 10:16

It’s not you. Keep witnessing.

When struggling with labelling yourself or personalizing blame, perhaps start here. Paul instructed us in Romans 12:3 to look at ourselves honestly, to use sensible, good judgment to make a fair evaluation. King David invited God Himself to examine his thoughts a root out what shouldn’t be there (Psalm 139:23). Rely on the truth in God’s word and what HE says about you rather than your labels. God has called you HIS. (Isaiah 43:1-3)

Just so we’re clear, I’m not a counselor. I read, research, and study, and I have some life experience. I am not attempting to diagnose anything, but rather help us evaluate how we think based on Scripture.

Sound Mind Theology: Fairness and Control

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Sound Mind Theology Fairness and Control

Since the Fall we have struggled not only with the content of our thoughts but the process as well. Yes, even the very way we size up situations and apply knowledge and experience to them is tainted by sin. In other words, we are constantly plagued by fallacies and cognitive distortions. Last time we reviewed three distortions that are interrelated — minimizing, maximizing, and disqualifying. Today’s we’ll look at a couple of fallacies — fairness and control.

Remember a fallacy is a belief we hold that is built on faulty logic, most often because we build conclusions on faulty premises.

Everything should be fair.

One the surface we would all agree with that statement. In fact, you may be ready to challenge my statement that this is a fallacy. There are two problems with that statement, however. First of all, who defines fair? If we as human beings do it, we will inevitably define fair in a way that gives us an advantage. Not to mention the fact that we generally see ourselves as fair.

The second thing is, when we say fairness, we really mean justice. We want things to be just. We want good rewarded and evil punished. We want hard work to pay off and laziness to result in failure. We want to get what we deserve and we want that for everyone else.

The expectation of fairness is based on a faulty premise.

“Life isn’t fair,” is often one of the first hard lessons we learn. But we don’t always consider why life isn’t fair. We live in a world that is broken by sin. It is irreparably broken and it cannot function in a way that is fair or just. We are broken people and even our best intentions derail. We have experienced unfair treatment and we have experienced injustice.

In our spiritual life, we can get discouraged if we focus on the unfairness and injustice. We can get frustrated with God who seems not to notice or care, or who doesn’t intervene on our behalf or right the wrongs we see. If we persist, we presume to judge what is fair and what isn’t, putting ourselves in God’s place.

God created us in His image. That longing for fairness, for justice comes from Him, so that in itself is not a bad thing. We must recognize that God is the only one who can deliver perfect justice.

The LORD works righteousness and justice for all who are oppressed. Psalm 103:6

Anyone who is not God (that’s us) will work in ways that, intentionally or not, result in unfairness. We are not perfect, nor can we be, and we do not have perfect knowledge and understanding. Only God sees the entire situation, all extenuating circumstances and all the motives behind our actions.

The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it? “I the LORD search the heart and test the mind, to give every man according to his ways, according to the fruit of his deeds.” Jeremiah 17:9-10

Because God sees and knows everything, His judgments then are perfect. And so is His timing. We get impatient in the face of unfairness, but make no mistake, God will set things right.

Therefore the LORD waits to be gracious to you, and therefore he exalts himself to show mercy to you. For the LORD is a God of justice; blessed are all those who wait for him. Isaiah 30:18

We like the feeling of control

Our culture values those who take charge, who chart their own paths, who make things happen. We feel most secure when things happen according to our plans and expectations, or when people respond the way we want them to. No waves. Not even any ripples.

Control is an illusion

We react mentally and emotionally when things seem out of control, specifically out of our control. We labor under feelings of powerlessness. We are swept along by circumstances. We don’t have a say in the things going on in our lives. Sometimes it’s the opposite. We feel excessive responsibility. We have to make things right, or we have to ensure things run smoothly.

The truth is, there is very little we have control over. We can choose our responses, and honestly, that’s about it. But ever since the Garden, we have wanted to be like God and exercise our control over the world. The irony is we forfeited that dominion God entrusted us with for a piece of fruit. Perhaps that’s why we long for control.

In our spiritual lives this desire for control can manifest in a power struggle. Will God be God in our lives our will try to push Him off the throne and run things ourselves. On the flip side, it can show up in a belief that God is just as powerless to affect our circumstances as we feel we are. Both are false versions of God.

God is the creator of heaven and earth, and as such, He controls and oversees everything that happens. There is nothing that happens outside of God’s directives.

Who has spoken and it came to pass, unless the Lord has commanded it? Lamentations 3:37

Paul explains the degree to which God is so far above us.

…[H]e who is the blessed and only Sovereign, the King of kings and Lord of lords, who alone has immortality, who dwells in unapproachable light, whom no one has ever seen or can see. To him be honor and eternal dominion. Amen. 1 Timothy 6:15-16

The wondrous thing about God is that this incredible power, evidenced by His sovereignty over all, is exercised according to His perfect goodness and love for us. Romans 8:38-39 assure us that we as His children cannot be separated from His love.

This outworking of this is that we don’t have to control anything. And we don’t have to despair when things aren’t fair. Our great God, who loves us beyond understanding, has everything under control. He will ensure His perfect justice and fairness will have its way.

We just have to let go of the fallacies and trust God. (Keep working on it.)

Just so we’re clear, I’m not a counselor. I read, research, and study, and I have some life experience. I am not attempting to diagnose anything, but rather help us evaluate how we think based on Scripture.

Sound Mind Theology: Minimizing, Maximizing, and Disqualifying

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Sound Mind Theology: Minimizing, Maximizing and Disqualifying

Since the Fall, we have struggled not only with the content of our thoughts but the process as well. Yes, even the very way we size up situations and apply knowledge and experience to them is tainted by sin. In other words, we are constantly plagued by fallacies and cognitive distortions. Let’s look at three distortions that are interrelated — minimizing, maximizing, and disqualifying.

Minimizing is downplaying the positives.

It may be through comparing it to someone else’s positives. It may be through finding the negatives. Maybe something like this. Someone compliments your dessert. “Oh, I just threw it together.” You get a good grade. “Oh, the test was probably just easy.” You reach a goal. “Oh, I shouldn’t have taken so long to get here.” Or “I set the bar too low.” Or “Other people did it better than I did.”

Minimizing manifests in our spiritual life as failing to see and appreciate the good things God has done and is doing. It fails to give Him the glory due His name. Further, it is a slander to God to accuse Him of being anything less than good or to attribute anything less than perfection to His motives and actions.

Maximizing is inflating the negatives.

The flip side of minimizing is maximizing. It is doomsaying. It is finding the worst in everything, expecting the worst outcomes, or representing situations worse than they really are. “Now everything is ruined.” “This is the worst day ever.” Or “I messed everything up.” Or “I am a complete failure.” It’s a disingenuous representation of the circumstances.

This translates as a lack of faith. We see worst-case scenarios that are beyond God’s intervention. We believe God won’t answer our prayers or He won’t step in when we need Him to. It discounts His goodness and His sovereignty.

Disqualifying is acknowledging the positives but discounting them.

It is finding the black cloud around every silver lining. You can hear it in a “yes, but.” Sure, God saved us, but He has other, more important children. Or He saved me, but He can’t or won’t use me. Yes, God calls us His own, but He says that to all believers. He has prepared a home for us in eternity, but right now, He makes us struggle. He answers our prayers, but usually not the way you want. His presence never leaves us, but you never feel it.

It’s no surprise that it manifests in our spiritual life as unthankfulness. We are perpetually dissatisfied as we find something wrong inside every blessing. It also leads to us putting words in God’s mouth and attributing false motives to His actions. That kind of brazen presumption is a form of blasphemy.

How do we combat these distortions?

All of these distortions are rooted in pride, in a desire to have others pay attention to us, even if it’s negative attention. It is an attempt to manipulate someone else’s emotions to elicit a desired response. Basically, we want people to acknowledge us and do what we want.

So the first step is to recognize these thought patterns. Be bold enough to ask God to search out your heart and mind and reveal their contents. (Psalm 139:23-24).

The second step is to repent. All of the ways these distortions express themselves are sinful.

The third step is to replace the distortions with the truth. Check Ephesians 2:1-10 to get a concise description of what God has done for us in Christ. We were incurably depraved. Jesus did all the work. We receive all the spiritual blessings because of His grace. His love for us is amazing. There’s no room for maximizing or minimizing.

Yes, bad things happen. But good things also happen. And all things come from the hand of a sovereign God who loves us beyond our understanding. Adopt Job’s philosophy: “The LORD gave, and the LORD has taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD.” (Job 1:21)

All of the things, positive and negative of all degrees are used by God to make us more like Christ. See the ultimate goal rather than disqualify what God is doing. Mary put it very simply: [F]or he who is mighty has done great things for me, and holy is his name. Luke 1:49

Just so we’re clear, I’m not a counselor. I read, research, and study, and I have some life experience. I am not attempting to diagnose anything, but rather help us evaluate how we think based on Scripture.

Sound Mind Theology: Distortions and Fallacies

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Sound Mind Theology Distortions and Fallacies title graphic

When someone asked Jesus what the greatest commandment was He answered, “The first of all the commandments is: ‘Hear, O Israel, the LORD our God, the LORD is one. And you shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength.’ This is the first commandment (Mark 12:29-30). As believers, we get that. Over the next several posts, I want to focus on the mind part. Today, we’ll do kind of a lengthy introduction and lay the foundation. You see, since the Fall we have struggled not only with the content of our thoughts but the process as well. Yes, even the very way we size up situations and apply knowledge and experience to them is tainted by sin. In other words, we are constantly plagued by fallacies and cognitive distortions.

What’s a fallacy?

A fallacy is a mistaken belief we hold that’s based on faulty logic. Here’s a dumb example. Cats have four legs. Winnie has four legs. Therefore, Winnie is a cat. The conclusion seems to follow, right? Well, Winnie is my dog, my four-legged non-cat dog. The conclusion was built on some faulty premises. Yes, cats have four legs, but so do a lot of other critters. The REALITY is, Winnie is a dog. (See a picture of Winnie.)

Let me get a little more personal. I have failed many times. God doesn’t use people who fail. Therefore, God can’t use me. Again, while that seems to follow, the premises are so faulty. So faulty. Everyone fails. If God is going to use any people, His only options are people who fail. God does in fact use people who have failed. Therefore, He most certainly can use you.

Cognitive distortions

Distortions are much trickier to root out. We reinforce these unfounded, irrational ideas — almost always about ourselves, overwhelmingly negative –so often that they become automatic. They are our go-to responses.

For example, let’s say one of my students scores a ninety-five on a chemistry test. Her response is, “Well, the test was probably just easy. I bet everyone else got A’s too.” That’s messed up. You know it and I know it. Chemistry isn’t easy. Clearly, she scored well because she studied and she’s smart enough to understand the material.

The insidious thing about cognitive distortions is that we are so comfortable with them we no longer see the irrationality of our thinking. Usually, a close confidant has to point out the distortions. Sometimes, we will fight and defend our distortion when someone calls us on it.

And we often don’t realize we can change those deeply held distortions. We just need a dose of truth.

The source of truth

For believers, everything goes back to the Word of God. Applying the truth of what God says about Himself and about us is the only way we can realign the fallacies and distortions we hang on to. When we live in the light God’s word, we can exchange those lies for truth.

So over the next few weeks, we’re going to look at some fallacies and distortions and apply a healthy dose of truth to them, “taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ,” (2 Corinthians 10:5).

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