Paula Wiseman

Faith and life meet in a story

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Searching My Heart

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Search me O God and know my heart.
Search… Strong’s defines it as examine intimately, or penetrate. God shines His brilliant, all pervasive holiness into all the corners of my heart and mind. When He does that here’s what He finds
Hollow motives, times I’ve done what I “should” not because I wanted to, but because I figured I ought to. No joy.
Failure to follow through, times I’ve known what God’s word says, but I’ve stopped short of full obedience. I skated by. I caved. I wimped out. No power.
Self-centeredness, greater concern for myself, my comfort, my reputation than for God’s glory. No compassion.
Despair, that ‘why bother- nothing’s every going to change anyway’ feeling. I give up or stop trying. No faith.
Those are the kinds of things that make me want to slink out of God’s presence. These are the things that Satan points out to me, to mock and accuse and defeat. God, however, redeems.
He knew what He was getting with me, and He declares without wavering, “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you. Before you were born I sanctified you.” (Jeremiah 1:5) Chosen, set apart for His purposes. He also knew exactly what was in my heart all along, before the search ever began.
So why go through this searching process? To bring me to a place of intimate trust. To know that in spite of all that He finds, He loves me and He has not given up on me.

burstSearch me O God and know my heart…

Search… Strong’s defines it as examine intimately, or penetrate. God shines His brilliant, all pervasive holiness into all the corners of my heart and mind. That’s unsettling, unnerving. When He does that here’s what He finds

  • Hollow motives, times I’ve done what I “should” not because I wanted to, but because I figured I ought to. No joy.
  • Failure to follow through, times I’ve known what God’s word says, but I’ve stopped short of full obedience. I skated by. I caved. I wimped out. No power.
  • Self-centeredness, greater concern for myself, my comfort, my reputation than for God’s glory. No compassion.
  • Despair, that ‘why bother- nothing’s every going to change anyway’ feeling. I give up or stop trying. No faith.

Those are the kinds of things that make me want to slink out of God’s presence. These are the things that Satan points out to me, to mock and accuse and defeat. God, however, redeems.

He knew what He was getting with me, and He declares without wavering, “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you. Before you were born I sanctified you.” (Jeremiah 1:5) I am chosen, set apart for His purposes. He also knew exactly what was in my heart all along, before the search ever began.

So why make me go through this searching process? To bring me to a place of intimate trust. So that I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that in spite of all that He finds, He loves me and He will never give up on me.

About Paula

I write real but fictional books about Christians wrestling with their faith in the midst of life's challenges.

Comments

  1. Paula Wiseman says

    Kelly- My husband is from Lawrence County, OH. We lived there after we were married and moved out to Illinois ten years ago for his job. It is a very small world.

  2. Kelly Langston says

    Paula:

    I often deal with this one: “that ‘why bother- nothing’s every going to change anyway’ feeling. I give up or stop trying. No faith.” There is so much the world needs. Sometimes it’s overwhelming! You hit the nail on the head here.

    Thank you for reminding me that He will never give up on me!

    PS: You were born in Ashland, KY? I’ve from Portsmouth, Ohio…just down the road a bit! What do you know?

  3. Lauren says

    Wow…these are great things to keep in mind. I’ll have to remember this to when nothing’s happening in my life. Thanks for the post!