Paula Wiseman

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Frailty

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I don’t typically post on Wednesdays, but as part of Kelly Langston’s Authenticity Challenge, here we are. Each day I’m discussing what I believe is a key component to authentic faith and how I’m working on that in my own life.
On Wednesday mornings, I’m privileged to lead a ladies Bible study group and this week we looked at Psalm 78. The psalm details God’s interventions on behalf of Israel and their sins against Him in spite of it. In the middle of the Psalm are the words “For He remembered that they were but flesh”.
Frailty. It is common to all of humanity, but accepting it, even embracing it is unique among believers. I struggle with depression and have all of my adult life. It wasn’t until I admitted that this was something I couldn’t solve myself, that healing began. Grace and mercy in time of need became a daily reality rather than an abstract theological concept. I got real with my friends, and they’ve walked this road with me. It’s been bumpy at times. I’ve taken medication for 5 years and I’ve seen a psychiatrist and a therapist for close to 4 years now. Last week, my psychiatrist cut me loose. I’m managing well enough to go off medication. I still have quite a bit of work left with my therapist, but that’s another story for another day.
On Monday I mentioned that there is no place for shame in my life any longer, so frailty is nothing to be ashamed of. My weaknesses are just avenues for God to display His power and His strength. The more I acknowledge those weaknesses, the more He can work through them. However if I hide them, deny them or try to fix them myself, I tie His hands.
Frailty isn’t a justification for inaction. It’s a determination to persevere anyway. Just because I’ve owned one frailty doesn’t mean this is easy or even natural. I still fight it every chance I get. I don’t want to be “frail”. I do want to bring glory and honor to God. And frailty does just that. 2 Corinthians 4:7 explains “we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellence of the power may be of God and not us.”

j0396100I don’t typically post on Wednesdays, but as part of Kelly Langston’s Authenticity Challenge, here we are. Each day I’m discussing what I believe is a key component to authentic faith and how I’m working on that in my own life.

On Wednesday mornings, I’m privileged to lead a ladies Bible study group and this week we looked at Psalm 78. The psalm details God’s interventions on behalf of Israel and their sins against Him in spite of it. In the middle of the Psalm are the words “For He remembered that they were but flesh”.

Frailty. It is common to all of humanity, but accepting it, even embracing it is unique among believers. I struggle with depression and have all of my adult life. It wasn’t until I admitted that this was something I couldn’t solve myself, that healing began. Grace and mercy in time of need became a daily reality rather than an abstract theological concept. I got real with my friends, and they’ve walked this road with me. It’s been bumpy at times. I’ve taken medication for 5 years and I’ve seen a psychiatrist and a therapist for close to 4 years now. Last week, my psychiatrist cut me loose. I’m managing well enough to go off medication. I still have quite a bit of work left with my therapist, but that’s another story for another day.

On Monday I mentioned that there is no place for shame in my life any longer, so frailty is nothing to be ashamed of. My weaknesses are just avenues for God to display His power and His strength. The more I acknowledge those weaknesses, the more He can work through them. However if I hide them, deny them or try to fix them myself, I tie His hands.

Frailty isn’t a justification for inaction. It’s a determination to persevere anyway. Just because I’ve owned one frailty doesn’t mean this is easy or even natural. I still fight it every chance I get. I don’t want to be “frail”. I do want to bring glory and honor to God. And frailty does just that. 2 Corinthians 4:7 explains “we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellence of the power may be of God and not us.”

Worship

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Alan taught me an important lesson about worship, and I wrote about it here. However, he got me again in a most unexpected way. One of his favorite, and I mean favorite toys is his whoopee cushion. He laughs every single time, falling over on the floor, cracking up kind of laughing. Every time. “This never gets old!” he says once he catches his breath again.
That’s what I’m missing. My worship does get old. If it gets old to me, I’m afraid to think how God views it. Thinking about Alan playing, I found 4 things he had while playing, that I’m missing.
Spontaneity – He doesn’t schedule when he plays. It just happens. Real worship can’t scheduled. It naturally flows out of a full heart. (Now- this is NOT to say that real worship can’t happen during our weekly scheduled services. It absolutely should. My point is that is can’t be switched on and off with the clock.)
Focus – When Alan plays, he only has one toy. He’s not thinking ahead to what’s next. He is totally in the moment. I admit, I get in church and my brain wanders off like a toddler in a theme park. (Another story for another day perhaps.)
Energy – Alan goes after that whoopee cushion with gusto. In fact he’s burst a couple of them in his exuberance. Too many times, my worship becomes a passive spectator activity.
Delight – Alan LOVES that whoopee cushion. I need to develop that excitement, that thrill of just being in God’s presence.
Part of my problem is my relationship with God is too formal. I mean, He’s GOD, after all. I can’t just… you know… In the last year or so, God has gently been guiding me toward real intimacy with Him, not just ‘knowing about” Him, but having that sense of belonging. Letting go of shame was one step on that road. Genuine worship is another.

42-16482893Alan taught me an important lesson about worship, and I wrote about it here. However, he got me again in a most unexpected way. One of his favorite, and I mean favorite toys is his whoopee cushion. He laughs every single time, falling over on the floor, cracking up kind of laughing. Every time. “This never gets old!” he says once he catches his breath again.

That’s what I’m missing. My worship does get old. If it gets old to me, I’m afraid to think how God views it. Thinking about Alan, I found 4 things he had while playing, that I need to infuse into my worship.

Spontaneity – He doesn’t schedule when he plays. It just happens. Real worship can’t scheduled. It naturally flows out of a full heart. (Now- this is NOT to say that real worship can’t happen during our weekly scheduled services. It absolutely should. My point is that is can’t be switched on and off with the clock.)

Focus – When Alan plays, he only has one toy. He’s not thinking ahead to what’s next. He is totally in the moment. I admit, I get in church and my brain wanders off like a toddler in a theme park. (Another story for another day perhaps.)

Energy – Alan goes after that whoopee cushion with gusto. In fact he’s burst a couple of them in his exuberance. Too many times, my worship becomes a passive spectator activity.

Delight – Alan LOVES that whoopee cushion. I need to develop that excitement, that thrill of just being in God’s presence.

Part of my problem is my relationship with God is too formal. I mean, He’s GOD, after all. I can’t just… you know… And I realize this is an issue. In the last year or so, God has gently been guiding me toward real intimacy with Him, not just ‘knowing about” Him, but having that sense of belonging. Letting go of shame was one step on that road. Genuine worship is another.

Shameless

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The key to authentic Christian faith is an honest assessment of who I am. I have to grasp that everything I have is a result of Christ’s work and not any merit of my own. However, that’s nothing to be ashamed of. There’s nothing I can say or do to make God love me any more. However, I can’t do anything to cause Him to stop loving me.
I love the story of the prodigal son, and the father’s unfailing, unconditional love for his son. Many times though, I’ve wondered what it must have been like to be that boy in that moment before he walked into the banquet his father threw in his honor. Was he uncomfortable? Did he feel like he was home, or was he ashamed to face the rest of his family and friends?  I’m not sure I could have walked into the banquet.
God speaks to His enemies in Isaiah 65:13  “Behold, My servants shall rejoice, but you shall be ashamed.”
Joy is a confidence that is future focused.  No matter what happens NOW, I know what will be. (Through faith, I know it.) Shame dwells on the past.  Shame says, Because of what happened THEN, I know what I am. (Through experience or through someone else telling me, I know it.) Joy is to trust God. Shame is to trust man -whether self or someone else. Joy is empowering. Shame is debilitating. Shame comes from the outside, joy from within.
Being one of God’s children cannot co-exist with being ashamed. He removed all my shame when the salvation transaction was completed. I’m the only one who can allow the shame back. I must not pick up the baggage.

briefcaseThe key to authentic Christian faith is an honest assessment of who I am. I have to grasp that everything I have is a result of Christ’s work and not any merit of my own. However, that’s nothing to be ashamed of. I can’t say or do anything to make God love me any more. I can’t do anything to cause Him to stop loving me, either.

I love the story of the prodigal son, and the father’s unfailing, unconditional love for his son. Many times though, I’ve wondered what it must have been like to be that boy in that moment before he walked into the banquet his father threw in his honor. Was he uncomfortable? Did he feel like he was home, or was he ashamed to face the rest of his family and friends?  I’m not sure I could have walked into the banquet.

God speaks to His enemies in Isaiah 65:13  “Behold, My servants shall rejoice, but you shall be ashamed.”

Joy is a confidence that is future focused.  No matter what happens NOW, I know what will be. (Through faith, I know it.) Shame dwells on the past.  Shame says, Because of what happened THEN, I know what I am. (Through experience or through someone else telling me, I know it.) Joy is to trust God. Shame is to trust man -whether self or someone else. Joy is empowering. Shame is debilitating. Shame comes from the outside, joy from within.

Being one of God’s children cannot co-exist with being ashamed. He removed all my shame when the salvation transaction was completed. I’m the only one who can allow the shame back. When Satan delivers it to my doorstep, it may be labelled failure, or regret, or a label I’m not expecting. No matter what, I must not pick up the baggage.

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